A Bug's Mind

The Cicada shouting out from a big city. The Urban Cicada.

Name:
Location: United States

A drifting Cicada flying across the nation has yet to settle down.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Su the Duck

As one of the turning points of my life, Su the Duck pops in to my head lately. What do I remember? Gee... Moments embarrassment for me. I have done much stupid things for this girl. I remember walking around your door every morning on my way to high school hoping that I can get a glance of you. I remember being alert whenever the bus 278 passing by just because that's the bus you ride to school. I remember the excitement when I was invited into your house only later found out that I had a hole in my pants. I remember delivering flowering to the boy you loved for you just because you asked me to. Was I a wuss.... I permanently marked myself as a tragic figure in this relationship that I wished existed. I swore myself to protect you in the dark even though I knew there would be no happy ending for me. Sigh... Was I young and naive.

Well... But was embarrassment all I got. No, far from it. She is the turning point of my life. Whither she know it or not, she helped me to become the person that I am proud to be. Know that Su Duck was a tragic person. Tragic things happens to her like rain in the forest. Sometimes, despite the wuss that I was, she talked to me from time to time. She made me think. She put me into persepectives that I wouldn't be if wasn't for her. Because of her, I became a more sensitive person than I was before. I became a more considerate person than I was before. If it wasn't for her, I could be any jerk that passes your life. For that, I sincerely thank her.

Then... I remember the last conversation that we had. I remember talking to her in side of a little park around the corner. I remember what she told me right before I leave for the US. She told me that whoever be my wife will have a difficult time for the fact that I am the only son. I remember disagreeing with her...

Then, I left. I remember the short days of long emails shooting back and forth everyday years after I move to the US. I remember she admitted that she was only playing with my feeling back in highschool. I remember being extreme mad at her and then forgave her right away. I remember then being the only comfort of her vulnerable time. And... I remember how that turns out. Gee. Was I young and naive.

Then, there's her early marriage, which doesn't effect me much, since I was totally over her by then. I remember her trouble with marriage and life at the time. I remember ditching my good friend "Dumpling Lin" at the ally entrance, just so that I could walk her and talk to her. I remember... I seemed to take comforting her as my responsibility. My way of paying back to her for making me the person I am today.

Then there's her divorce. Then... There's my recently reunion with her. She seems.... happy.

I don't remember when was the last time I see her happy. But there she was........ HAPPY, and stronger too. She was a different person than what I used to know. I guess, like a happy ending to a sad story. There it is. She is finally happy.

Flashbacks

Don't really know why, I have some serious flashbacks these days. I find myself hard to focus on a lot of things. My mind constantly go drifting around in the past while I should be concentrating on works. Yeah, flashbacks. Like what people see minutes before they die. Keep having images of past swish through my mind like haunting ghosts, constantly, and won't let go. I don't know why. Is it the age? Am I really old enough to start mourning for the pass? Is it the diet? Am I somehow nutrient deficient that I can't concentrate myself when it's needed? Am I going crazy? Is it some psycological problem that I am having that's driving my sanity away? Or maybe I just misses some moments and people in my life? I don't know... but... maybe if I write them down, then they won't keep popping to my head. Let's see how it works. And if it doesn't work... Maybe I should go see a shrink.

Hummm... Long long long time no see.......my blog.

Never mind the cheesy style of the blog page because I don't really know what I am doing. I can't believe it's more then a year now when I first created this blog. Really. I never came back for it. Until today, I came across some friends blog and thought about creating my own. And just when I tried to create a new account, I realized that my username had been used.

My username had been used? Are you kidding me? I have been using my username in everywhere and have not yet been used by others. So... 10 out of 10 it was me. So I tried to login with my username and my old password... Vola! Here is it! My long long forgotten blog.

Not sure if anyone will came to this blog whatsoever. Not sure when will be my next visit myself. Well... I guess, if you actually found this blog, as the Chinese saying, it's all "yuan" bah.